Highly intelligent people can be their own worst enemy.
We believe we’re open to change, inside and out. We think we understand everything and therefore, it is hard for us to listen to advice, because we believe we’ve been there and done that in the past (or we’ve thought it–so we know it).
Highly intelligent people overthink. We strategize, we make lists, graphs and do what we think expands our capacities.
We read books, articles and observe life; we believe we gain our answers there. We can go to a therapist, who will tell us, we’re so highly evolved that he or she cannot help us (Yes, I had been told this in the past).
So, what’s the problem?
Intellectually we can sound like we get it! Emotionally, very little has actually changed. We are in our heads, and think we’re making an emotional connection, but in essence, we’re just following instructions.
We may try to ‘out think’ everything for the ultimate solution. We are hard on ourselves. We seek perfection, because criticism doesn’t serve us, as we are beyond it and yet, we have trouble handling it when it is received……it can throw us into an obsessive cycle of trying to fix something that isn’t broken.
I find when some highly intelligent people seek me out, they are solution-oriented….and yet, will fight what is stated or tell me they are already working on it (or think a nugget of information I share is a new strategy, which they can use to manipulate a situation).
This isn’t surprising, as I have said the same thing to coaches and mentors, that I have hired too.
I relate, because I’ve read books and actually applied them to my life. I am an action-taker; in the past, it’d be done before it was out of someone’s mouth. Sound familiar?
I’ve listened to my clients and climbed in their shoes; even creating a different perspective for myself too. I was learning. (As we are akin to being sponges for knowledge)
The problem is something isn’t working…..and therefore whatever it is we are working on (like a science project) inside of ourselves, is probably keeping us stuck in the same cycle.
The answer to most of our problems is not that we have to find the award-winning solution. It’s that we’re looking at it from the same perch, in which we would a mathematical equation or as a judge listening to all sides of a case and coming up with the most equitable resolution.
We are disconnected from our emotional intelligence…..meaning, we can go through the motions (because we’re smart) and appear to have it together…appear to handle things in an emotionally intelligent way, BUT inside of us, we feel like crap. Or we are still challenged with relationships that don’t work–personally or professionally…..or success; real, fulfilling, joyous, success…eludes us. We may keep looking for the higher mountain hoping it provides the feeling of having finally arrived.
It boils down to still trying to control circumstances around us and being disconnected to what is within us. Anytime we believe the outside needs to change for us to feel better, we’re not going to experience happiness, fulfillment or really being alive in the moment.
We may even think we’re changing….but are the results we really want showing up? Does our life reflect who we truly are or is it the same cycles playing themselves out over and over?
How do highly intelligent people get out of their own way?
1. Stop speaking in contradictions about needing help and then saying, “I’m already doing that,” when a disconnect is pointed out. Get humble, real and open to doing something we’ve already mulled over and figured out all possible outcomes to and just allow the experience.
2. Get used to connecting to our emotions. How do we actually feel? And how often do we support those feelings? Do we hide them or pretend they don’t exist if they’re unpleasant?
3. Accept we’re not perfect. Flaws and insecurities are part of being human, when we hide them from ourselves or the world, it means we have shame. Live the imperfections out loud. People will find it much easier to connect with us.
4. We are enough. We are always striving, thinking if we ‘do this or that’ we’ll have what we want, but we never get there. It’s the underlying belief that we’re not enough, or good enough that will keep us awake at night. And it means we only take certain risks…which usually don’t include an emotional one.
5. Be vulnerable. That means to speak our truth no matter what the cost. It is not about manipulating others so they give us what we think we want; it’s to speak and listen without attachment. Don’t personalize. Don’t Assume. Speak kindly no matter what and always do our best as who we are, even if means to just be present.
6. Slow down. This requires a longer definition,so for now, just take a pause before doing something or over-thinking anything….just slow it down.
We can do this all on our own. Though we’ll move at a much slower pace, if at all and never really raise our emotional intellect, which is what brings us peace, happiness, fluidity, freedom and connection. Asking for help and ALLOWING it, will make a huge difference to how we feel and the resulting changes in our external world.
Just shifting one of those 5 items will make a difference in our lives.
If you would like a consultation on how to really breakthrough and get out of your own way, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org