How many books have most of us read on leadership, performance, or marketing, for business?
What about psychological books, or perhaps, we’ve even drifted off into the area of new age Law of Attraction books?
We are always in search of the answer.
Many of us have given time to analyzing ourselves, our habits, our environment and opportunities to try and find the ‘HIDDEN KEY’ as to why we often feel as though we are failing, falling behind or are in some way not on top of our game.
This feeling we carry may not be apparent to others, though it is at the basis of how people disconnect from us as a leader.
Many of us do not want to feel uncomfortable feelings, we believe we should always feel good. For some of us we continue pursuing one thing after another, in hopes that we will finally feel fulfilled, satisfied or valued. Instead, we often feel judged. The biggest judge, of course, is the one within.
At work, the judge berates, devalues and criticizes every mistake, decision or conversation; it undermines confidence and trust in the self to be successful.
Some of us think we must ignore or deny these uncomfortable feelings, especially when we are trying to get the work done–we feel if those feelings are unleashed, we might as well crawl under our desk for the day. In reality, judging or stopping our feelings by dismissing what we feel, makes us feel worse.
To understand what triggers the disconnect, especially on the job, as a leader, would actually bring not only relief, but an ability to manage our emotions successfully. And if we can manage our emotions successfully, we learn how to manage others too.
If we start questioning our inner judge, which tries to monitor what we feel by stuffing bad feelings aside rather than allowing them, we start to experience freedom. The questioning of the judge, means we find the truth. We learn what is really ‘lacking’ is only our perception. The belief system we have of ourselves and the world around us, is changeable.
We begin the change when we truly listen to the conversation throughout our day that is going on in our mind.
How often do we beat ourselves up? It is a clue as to what drives us and how we show up to other people. If we think negative thoughts, we let other people know through our own words and actions. As a leader it is detrimental to receiving their loyalty, collaboration and respect. We set ourselves apart from our true goals and gaining a team mentality when we are without the awareness, in which we’re acting from internal judgments that are not being managed.
The whole judge living within us makes our lives more difficult. So, how to simplify?
1. Dare to connect to your emotions during the day. Know how you feel. Better yet, understand what is causing a feeling. Once you do, it will not be driving you unconsciously.
2. Whatever you resist persists. Don’t avoid or deny negative emotions, again have awareness that you feel a certain way and then ask the question, “Is this feeling have validity for what is going on in this exact moment?” Most of the time it does not, and when it does, get to the WHY.
3. Make a choice. When you recognize your feelings and negativity is there–accept it and then make a choice. “I feel this way, and even though I feel this way, what can I do that is counter intuitive to the feeling, which will show my subconscious programming that I am breaking a pattern or belief?” And then act on it…and sometimes to act on it, just means to be conscious of it so you stop perpetuating a cycle in your professional relationships.
You may also find a copy of this post on Huffington Post.